my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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