My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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