The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
