What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
