I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
