Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
bring money and cleavage
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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