Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
