I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
