Moan for me like Helen Keller
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
