I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize