Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
