woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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