Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
