What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
