it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
