I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
