This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
