Walk of Shame. In a state park.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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