My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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