In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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