good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
