This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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