"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
