Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
