I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
