It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize