You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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