Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
