you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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