We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
being pregnant is like rehab
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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