why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
