What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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