I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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