If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize