Just fell off a train. Bad.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
