Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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