a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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