Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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