R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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