If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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