It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
