I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
