Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
