i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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