Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
