Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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