Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
