no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
