stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
