Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
