My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize