My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
