You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
