he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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