i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
