Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
