I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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