I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
