We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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