out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
