just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
