Yo dont text me then not text me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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