I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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