So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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