I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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