Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
