maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
