The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're using joints as your birthday candles
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
