Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
