does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
